I deleted my Hinge account.
I honestly felt like checking the app and responding to the people I connected with was more of a chore than cleaning my stove top. After the 5th “hey, how are you, tell me about yourself,” I literally wanted to slip my phone into the unending crevice of my arm chair and forget that dating apps even exist.
Why was I even on Hinge?
- Because I thought by now I’d be married and talking about when to have our first child?
- Because I haven’t been on a date since 2015?
- Because I never see anyone in real life I am even remotely interested in?
What were my friends finding in dating apps that I couldn’t seem to even gently graze by?
My favorite relationship coach, Tony Gaskins, would talk about how he isn’t necessarily against online relationships. He just encourages his clients to form relationships off line where you can see and genuinely interact with the person. He says the men you find on those apps aren’t the men we [women who seek his help in particular] actually want, and in my experience, he has been SO right. I personally know someone who’d go on at least 3 first dates a week, to no avail at all, which absolutely proves his point, right?
Wrong. I actually know someone who got married earlier this year after being with her hinge match for 3 years. And if you thought that was just an exception, I even know someone who recently got engaged after being with her hinge match for two. And she’s not the only one! My good friend is getting married in just a few months to her awesome hinge match so I really couldn’t hold Mr. Gaskins’ advice and evidence in my life as absolute truth. Surely there must be treasures in the caves of dating apps, but were mine in there too? That’s the question I just couldn’t figure out until I stopped trying to figure it out.
THERE IS NO FORMULAAA *screaming it loud for the people in the back*
*nervously whispering to the people in the front* If there is a formula, I haven’t found it yet so please e-mail it to me.
It’s not that I gave up – I just didn’t feel keen on remaining on the app anymore. Once I was sure of that, I had to tackle the issue of how to end my conversations with all these matches. I began to tire myself wondering if leaving them on ‘read’ in the app was ghosting them. Half of my friends said, “Yes – honor the relationship and let them know you’re not interested anymore.” The other half said, “What relationship? Girl, he doesn’t even have your number. Say nothing, do nothing, just unmatch him!”
Well, I couldn’t bring myself to randomly unmatch people I’d just as randomly matched with, so I just deleted my account altogether and found myself in the same place I was before I downloaded it.
At the end of the day, most of my Christian friends will say that this single ‘season’ is an opportunity to grow closer to God, (what if this isn’t a season thooo?) travel whenever you want, (with what moneyyy thooo?) work on being the one for the one you want (oh gosh). My non-Christian friends on the other hand, will say this is the time to have fun and let loose before you settle down! (down WHERE tho?)
I guess I’m just tired of treating this time in my life as a pit-stop to somewhere else – marriage, kids, retirement. And I was even more tired of treating dating apps like the fuel that was going to get me ‘there’, if you know what I mean. Like ohhh, let’s stop here, and pick up this person and then we’ll finally arrive – which of course is just the way I personally processed it.
I’m happy for everyone having all the fun on all the apps, finding love, growing relationships and at the very least, some easy going networking (I would hope). And this isn’t me saying NEVER AGAIN to the apps. I just wanted to share where I am and why there was no longer a dating app on the phone in my hand as I remain there.
Thank you for reading! Share your thoughts with me and everyone else who may be interested in this topic.
vraigemmerouge 